Hi! I’m making this draft on the 26th already but still I wanna greet you (whoever you are) a Merry Christmas.

Just so you know, I am trying my best to sum up all the courage to post something as personal as this. I loved sharing and I remember my tumblr blog was an online diary to me, but then I just stopped. I was young and naive and didn’t know my limits; and so fifteen year old me just started to never share anything personal at ALL. Through the years, I also developed this habit of suppressing any negative feelings or my problems inside which makes it worse (trust me, hiding your feelings don’t benefit you anything). For some reason I am so anxious making this post huhu but whatever here goes nothing!

Let’s begin with this — this Christmas I don’t really know what to feel.It’s not my first Christmas here in Hong Kong, but it’s my first time celebrating it here incomplete. Also my first time not being able to see my friends first and greet them in advance personally before I fly here. I remember not really minding it when I was on the other side of the situation (me in the Philippines) but when you are the one working in a foreign land and you don’t actually have friends here it can really get quite emotional. Yes, I consider my colleagues my friends, but not at the level where I hang out with them outside work. Sadly, language barrier is a thing and it can really affect your relationship with someone.

Also I miss my boyfriend soooo much. (another thing I’m not used to saying in public.. huhu)

I’m happy and optimistic, or atleast I’m trying to be. Since the 24th I’ve been really hyping myself. I woke up with the perfect Christmas weather, the chilly but tolerable kind. I loved it. For some reason I am itching to make a Christmas treat and give it to someone just so I can feel the Christmas spirit so I just went with it and made some Cheesecake Chocolate Truffles!

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I’m sorry I can’t be bothered to edit anymore hahahahuhuhu (will never be a professional blogger).

I’m quite proud of it! It’s my first attempting making them and my family liked it, even my mom who is very picky when being introduced to something new.

When I was packing them so I can give them away, for some reason I got worried and I just keep on thinking if my colleagues would like it. I swear I get really anxious and paranoid about everything! Is this what being 21 is like?!

I can’t really tell if they liked it though, one colleague just ate them in front of me and I was so scared I just stared at his face while he was chewing it and he was like “What?!”. LOL. I asked him if it’s good and he said yes, I don’t know if it’s sincere but maybe he really did and I’m just making a big deal out of it?

I also gave them a short letter because I really like getting those kinds… not the generic “Merry Christmas” cards. Yes, I am cheesy like that. Again, is this what it’s like to be 21?!

Hi, I am Kristel and I’m too scared of making mistakes and rejection that I even get anxious about giving my homemade truffles to my colleagues. If I was the one given the homemade truffles I WOULD FEEL APPRECIATED THOUGH?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME.

Okay okay. Sorry about that. I think you now get a slight idea of how big deal that was to me HAHAHAHAH if you’re a colleague of mine and somehow bumped into this post (which is so unlikely) please tell me did you honestly like them?! hahahahah

Anyway, going back to Christmas Eve. We just celebrated it at our rooftop while having bbq. Nothing fancy, just some music and storytelling. I like intimate bondings like that.  I really wish my sister and my little brother and everyone I love were there too. Huhu.

25th of December I went to work. Network Security is lyf, yo. Lol jk. I feel my parents are kind of sad too because I wasn’t able to celebrate the exact Christmas day with them. But it’s fine, they understand. They have always been supportive of me lately, especially with my struggles at work (let’s talk about it in another post lol). I have said these a lot of times but my parents are sometimes a pain in the ass but I love them and I wouldn’t know what to do without them. Have you ever had those moments where you thought you know everything and suddenly you are just lost and the first thing that came to your mind is “What will my parents do?”. Yeah, I’m in that stage in my life right now.

I just really love the fact that Christmas makes all the feels valid. I love Christmas so much because it’s the perfect time to be cheesy and not be judged.

I think to sum it up, I’m still happy with this year’s Christmas. Thank God for the guidance, strength, my family and all the blessings.

@all my family, friends (esp. Cali Girls), and my boyfriend – Please visit your girl in HK. She’s doing fine but she’s lonely and she misses you so much.

xx,

Kristel

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